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To put it mildly, Jill wasn't really happy at the romantic outcome I wrote for her, though I am not sure why. In my opinion, her fictional beau is the one I find the most attractive aboard the USS Voyager. Ah well. Jill got her revenge on me and gave me one of the few available male characters on board the starship. Incidentally, the USS Voyager and its crew belong to its creators and Paramount. I know they'll forgive me and Jill for taking gratituous fictional lisence with the Delta Quadrant people. Have fun. Hope you don't gag at the match.
Talaxian Spinach Soup is a Natural Aphrodisiac (aka Jill's Revenge) The mess hall was dark and the kitchen was empty when Ensign Stacey Woods arrived in search of food after the second half of her double shift in Engineering. Her ears were still ringing from the last argument between Lieutenant Torres and Seven of Nine about the proper maintenance of plasma conduits, a difference of opinion that nearly got Seven's jaw broken and whose resolution required the presence of not only Tom Paris, who had shown up just as the argument was starting, but Commander Chakotay, sent down by the captain to keep B'elanna from killing Seven. Stacey shook her head, trying to clear the persistent echo of Klingon swear words from her ears as she ordered a plate of spinach alfredo pasta from the replicator. She was just sitting down with her plate when the door opened again, and another ensign stumbled in. "Hey, Stacey," Ensign Jill Alexander said as she straightened up from her near-tumble to the floor. "Finally off for the evening?" "Evening? It's the middle of the night, Jill." "Is it? Oh. Then why are you here?" "I'm eating." "Is it that spinach alfredo crap again? Yuck. *I'm* having ice cream." Stacey calmly took another bite of her pasta as her friend ordered a bowl of ice cream and a box of sugar packets from the replicator. "Here. These are for you," Jill said, tossing the sugar packets on the table. "I hear you're transferring to Astrometrics. Congratulations." "No more plasma conduits," Stacey said, grinning. "No more Vulcan engineers like Vorrik. No more of B'elanna Torres's rages. And…I get to work next to--" "Don't even say it, Stacey," Jill said, glaring. "I met him first." "I was going to say Seven of Nine," Stacey replied in a voice dripping with saccharine sweetness. She pushed aside her finished pasta and started in on the sugar packets. "You can learn a lot from a Borg. Anyway, there're other available men on this ship. Like Lt. Chapman." "Dadathufthinvrashuhah?" "What?" Jill swallowed her ice cream and tried again. "Didn't Seven break his arm? I hear he's sworn off dating for a while." "Oh. I thought she tore his rotator cuff." "Well, there's always Vorrik." Stacey's only response was a level stare. "Right. I was kidding! Or Commander Chakotay." Stacey burst out laughing, choking on one of her sugar packets. "As if the man could tear his eyes away from his duty-" "Not to mention his captain-" "For five minutes." "Tom Paris." "God! I thought we were talking available men." Stacey looked nervously over her shoulder. "Torres isn't around, is she?" Jill grinned wickedly. "Of course not. You think I TRY to spend so much time in Sickbay? What about Tuvok?" "Married. And not much better than Vorrik." "The Doctor?" "Ah, he's got a thing for Seven. Besides, he's a HO-LO-GRAM." "Or…how about Neelix?" "Neelix?" Stacey repeated flatly. "Neelix? Are you kidding me?" "No, he's perfect! He likes to cook, you like to eat. He misses Kes, and you're pissed because I stole Harry. He's…friendly. And you're friendly! Hey! Where're you going? Stacey?" The only response was the hiss of repulsors as the doors slid shut. Alone in the mess hall, Ensign Alexander grinned. Stacey stalked towards the turbolift, fuming. Neelix! Of all people! If she was going to suggest she date, why wasn't she reasonable? Tom Paris…Stacey trembled a little at the mere thought and looked around her for any sign of a raging half-Klingon. Sure, Jill got Harry, but that didn't mean Stacey had to settle for Neelix… On the other hand, he was such a sweet guy, and his cooking…Stacey felt her mouth watering just thinking about it. She could see what Kes had seen in him. She could almost see what Jill meant. *What am I thinking? Neelix? I wonder if we're even…compatible?* Stacey grinned a little at that thought. "Then again, Kes wasn't so different from a human…" The turbolift paused and the doors opened to admit Captain Janeway. Stacey felt a blush creep over her face, as if the Captain could sense her thoughts. "Ensign," Janeway said with a smile. "Good evening, Captain," Stacey replied automatically. She was still a little scared of Janeway, even after all these years under her command. She breathed an inward sigh of relief when the Captain got off the turbolift on- *The holodeck? At this hour?* Stacey grinned a little. *Wonder what she's up to?* Then her mind turned back to Jill, and the conversation in the mess hall about Neelix, and her smile faded in the effort to keep any mental pictures of herself and Neelix out of her head. Neelix sighed as he stirred a pot of his special leola root and spinach soup. Kes had been gone for nearly two years, and even before that he had managed to lose her. "Some morale officer I am," he muttered. "I can't even cheer myself up." "Hey, Neelix! Smells good!" Neelix grinned despite his despondent emotions and turned around to face the dark-haired young ensign who had materialized-literally-beside the counter. "Oh, hello, Ensign Woods," he said. "It's leola root and spinach soup." "I know. I love that stuff. I'm starving. How long until it's ready?" "How did you get here, anyway?" "I had some help from Harry-he was on transporters. I didn't feel like walking over." "And how is Ensign Alexander?" Stacey sighed. "She just got out of Sickbay half and hour ago. She burned her hand on a stray wire while passing through Engineering." Neelix laughed. "And how about you? Have you recovered from that tumble down the steps on the bridge? I don't think I'll ever forget the look on the Captain's face when you practically fell into her lap." Stacey sat down and rubbed her ankle ruefully. "I'm fine, thank you. How's the soup coming?" "Here," he said, offering Stacey a soup-filled spoon, "taste this and tell me if you think it needs more spices." Stacey opened her mouth, and Neelix, a little flustered, stuffed the spoon in. "So?" "It's great! Can I have a bowl now?" "Sure." Neelix dished up a bowl of the soup for Stacey and set it in front of her. "You know, Kes loved this stuff," he said. "Really? I thought I was the only one." Stacey slurped up her soup eagerly, ignoring the disgusted stares of her crewmates. Seven of Nine watched her from a table in the corner, where she was sitting with the Doctor. "I have tasted that liquid," Seven said. "It is offensive. How can she stand to consume such a concoction?" The Doctor shrugged. "There's no accounting for taste. Take them, for example." Seven looked over at the door, where Tom and B'elanna had just come in. "I see your point, Doctor. Excuse me, I must return to my duties. Ensign?" Stacey reluctantly tore herself away from her soup and gladly turned away from Neelix's account of his first meeting with Kes to look up at Seven. "Yes, Seven?" "You are to report to Astrometrics at 1400. It is now 1355. Please be punctual." "Uh, right," Stacey said, choking down another spoonful of her half-eaten soup. She pushed the bowl across the counter at Neelix and shrugged. "Sorry, Neelix. Looks like duty calls. Thanks for the soup." "You're welcome!" Neelix was amazed at how much better he felt. He bustled about his kitchen, whistling an old Talaxian ditty as he made up another pot of soup for that evening's party in honor of several recent birthdays on the ship. One of the guests of honor was, in fact, Ensign Woods. Neelix smiled a little, thinking of his chat with her. She obviously had a far more refined sense of taste than most of her crewmates, and had lifted his spirits right out of his earlier gloom over Kes. "You're in a good mood, Neelix," Tom Paris said. The former lieutenant was leaning on the counter, watching Neelix with a familiar smirk. "Why, yes I am. Thank you for noticing." Neelix added more spinach to his soup. Paris shuddered noticeably and made a face at B'elanna. "Any particular…reason?" "What? Can't the morale officer be in a good mood?" "I saw you talking to Ensign Woods. You have a crush on her. Don't you." Tom's smile had turned ingratiating and insufferable. Neelix said nothing, simply raised an eyebrow and poured a bowl of soup. "Hungry, Mr. Paris?" He slapped the soup on the counter, and Tom, catching a whiff of the effluvium of the bowl, paled and backed away. "Uh. No. No, that's all right. See you tonight, Neelix." Chuckling softly to himself, Neelix set about making a cake. Meanwhile, in Astrometrics, Stacey was struggling not to scream at Seven of Nine. Borg or not, superior officer (which was debatable) or not, Stacey was about to take drastic measures against the other woman. Seven hovered conspicuously near Stacey's console, watching with her implant-enhanced vision for the slightest error. Sensing the Borg's eyes on her, Stacey consciously worked a little faster. When Seven did not show any sign of abandoning her station as watchdog, Stacey gritted her teeth, closed her eyes, and silently counted to ten. Then she turned around and forced a smile. "Seven," she said sweetly. "Wouldn't it be more…efficient…if you stopped hovering and watching my every movement? I am more than qualified for this job, I assure you. I know what I'm doing." Seven raised one perfect eyebrow. "Very well then, Ensign," she said. "I merely wished to ascertain how one continues to function after having consumed Neelix's spinach soup. Especially while a particularly large piece is stuck in your incisors." Seven moved over to another console across the room, but not before catching a gWoodspse of Stacey's sudden, livid blush. Stacey frantically scrubbed her teeth with her tongue, until she was certain the spinach was gone. Neelix poured himself another drink of his special Talaxian punch, which Ensign Alexander, for once, was not drinking by the bucketful. Harry Kim seemed to be doing a fairly good job of keeping her away from it. Or maybe it was the fact that this party was partly in her honor-her birthday having fallen right before Ensign Woods's-and she did not wish to make too big of a fool out of herself. He watched the other crewmembers arrive one by one. Ensigns Alexander and Kim were already there, both dressed in civvies. Harry was wearing an unfamiliar outfit of brown leather, which seemed to be the source of Ensign Alexander's current fury. The lady herself was wearing a simple ankle-length white dress, and her brown hair was loose, instead of in her usual braids, partially obscuring her face, though not enough to hide the dark anger there. B'elanna and Tom staggered in arm and arm, leaning against each other and laughing about something. Both were a little more disheveled than usual, and Tom seemed to be sporting a bloody lip. The Doctor was standing in a corner with Tuvok and Seven, who was holding a data pad and no doubt discussing work. The Captain and Chakotay were playing a twentieth-century video racing game that Tom Paris had set up in the mess hall, with an audience of Naomi Wildman and several junior officers, who were taking sides and placing bets on the game. Neelix winced with relief that it was Paris, not Janeway, who was Voyager's pilot, as her video car bounced off of signs, trees, and the occasional pedestrian. He made a silent bet in favor of Chakotay. The doors opened again and Stacey Woods wandered through, looking as though she might rather be somewhere else. She was wearing a black velvet dress that reached to the floor, black silk elbow gloves, and her short hair was pulled back with what appeared to be diamond combs. Neelix felt his stomach hit his feet. Stacey looked around for a moment, but before Neelix could wave her over, Jill, hauling a reluctant Harry Kim behind her, accosted the other Ensign. "Stacey!" Jill hissed. "I am *not* amused." Neelix moved a little closer, in order to hear the conversation. He noticed some of the ship's bigger gossips, including Tom Paris, who had been gawking at Harry ever since he came in, also drifted a little nearer the three Ensigns. "What?" Stacey's innocence was obviously feigned; even Neelix could see that. Jill, one fist firmly planted on her hip, gestured rather angrily at Harry. "You sent *that* to him? You *know* I hate leather on men." "How do you know it was me?" "Because it was signed 'Voyager Girl' and because you once told me Harry would look good in leather pants." Tom burst out laughing as Harry blushed and looked around frantically for an escape route. "Jill," he whispered. "Let it go." Jill seemed to realize that their audience now included not only Paris and Neelix, but Torres, Samantha Wildman, and-of all people-Tuvok. She scowled and stuck out her tongue at Stacey. "Just you wait," she said. "I'll get you for this. *And* you," she added, glaring up at Harry. Stacey burst into a fit of giggles as soon as her friends walked away, giggles that sounded suspiciously like a small litter of baby mammals yapping. Neelix thought it was a beautiful laugh. "Are you hungry, Ensign Woods?" he asked. "I have more soup." Stacey's face lit up. "I'm always hungry, especially for your cooking," she said. "But I want some punch, first." "Are you sure that's a good-" Stacey's glare silenced him immediately. She downed three cups of punch immediately. Neelix, who had added just a touch more synthenol than usual, frowned. She was going to be drunk rather quickly. "Let's see about that soup now, shall we?" she said. She took his arm and let him lead her back to the kitchen, where several pots of spinach and leola root soup were simmering. As they ate the soup, Neelix reminisced about Kes and their time together. Finally, Stacey put down her spoon-as she finished her fourth helping of soup-and frowned rather drunkenly at the Talaxian. "You know," she slurred, "Kes has been gone for two years. And we all miss her, but there's other women on this ship. Like me." She leaned across the table, and for a moment Neelix thought he might drown in her dark eyes. Stacey smiled slowly, reached over with her silken-gloved fingers, and tugged gently on his whiskers. "You're cute when you're stunned, Neelix," she said sweetly. Then she bounced up and headed for the doors. "They're going to be having cake soon. Aren't you coming?" Neelix followed in a pink haze of adoration. After the party, Stacey found herself sitting in a darkened corner while the mess hall spun dizzily around her. For once, it wasn't Jill who'd had too much to drink at a party. She felt…great. She felt like kissing everyone in sight. Of course, everyone in sight was Neelix. Must have been the oysters…wait. She hadn't had oysters. Where did oysters come in? The Walrus and the Carpenter waltzed crazily through Stacey's synthenol-clouded mind. Waltzed…now *there* was good idea. "Neelix," she called, rising on unsteady legs and holding out one arm. "Dance with me." "Now, Ensign Woods, shouldn't you-" "My. Name. Is. Stacey," she said carefully, swaying a little. "And you need to dance with me." Unable to resist, Neelix took her hand and held her up as she leaned against him, swaying to imaginary music. "Do you know," Stacey mumbled, "I think we're a perfect couple?" "Well, you're drunk," Neelix stammered, "but you're still beautiful." "Take me home." An army of Klingons with hammers seemed to have taken up residence in her head. Stacey opened her eyes a little, groaning against the dim light of her quarters. Memories of the night before came flooding back. The last thing she recalled had been inviting Neelix inside…she sat up frantically and looked around. She was in bed-alone. And still wearing her black velvet dress. She padded out to her living area. Neelix was asleep on her couch. "Good morning," Stacey said softly. "Thank you for staying." "You're welcome. I was afraid you might drown in your own-well, you know." "Yes. But please don't talk so loud. Did I pass out?" "Well, sort of. After you tried…well…" "I get the idea. Thank you, again." "I would never-I mean, I like you-I mean…" "Would you cook for me?" Neelix started back in surprise. "What?" "Would you cook for me? Just for me? I want a guy who will cook just for me." "Who do you think all that soup was for? No one else on this entire ship likes it but you. Happy birthday, Ensign Woods." "Stacey," Stacey murmured…as she leaned in to kiss him. In the giddiness of the moment, neither of them heard the door chime…or noticed when the doors opened, until the flash of a holocam blinded them, and the sound of laughter echoed down the hall. Stacey tugged a little on Neelix's whiskers, and leaned in for another kiss. There would be time to get that hologram back…later. The End |
